Halfway there.

Here goes my first ever blog post. My mind is usually pretty full, but right now I think it's panicking and blanking.

I guess I'll start with introducing myself. I haven't figured out the finer points of blogging yet, so I'll probably be able to put all this basic info somewhere else when I do, but for now this is where it can go.

So. I'm 19. I'm no longer overweight. That's not to say I don't have a long way to go, but I'm 20 odd kilos down from where I started, and that's an achievement I'm pretty darn proud of! So there's the crux of it. 19, was over weight, now normal weight, but still a little chubby. I'm going to be honest and say I'd like to lost about another 8 kilos. Ideally I'd love to be about 57kg.

I'm going to tell you straight up, I have never been 57kg in my weighable life (as in, over 12 years old!). I'm fairly tall (173cm) and as my sister was always larger than me, I was always told I wasn't big. But I was. I never played sport, never ate properly. Which is how I got to 86kgs when I was 16. Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck. So right now, I am the smallest I've ever been. My last weigh in showed 66.1kgs, and I know I've lost some since then, I just haven't had access to scales. I've been back at the gym and back to eating well (I took a break for about 6-8 months to snap myself out of impending doom, read: bulimia. Stupidity!). In short, I feel pretty damn good about myself right now.

Lost weight: check.
Overcome eating disorder: check.

Two things some people never manage in their entire lives. See, this is my positive new self speaking! :) Usually I'd beat myself up for being overweight or becoming obssessive about food in the first place. But I've turned over a new leaf. I am flat out refusing to think bad things about myself. If I truly don't like what I see, I'll do something about it, but I wont dwell on it or obsess. I've also stopped being judgemental and negative towards others (in my head of course). If I catch myself thinking something hurtful, I actively stop the thought before it goes anywhere.

Sorry my thoughts seem to be coming out quite erratically. I should probably also mention that my partner has a huge role to play in this new found self esteem. Suffice to say, he is incredible, and I honestly can't believe I managed to find someone so amazing at such a young age. I'm pretty pleased with myself about that, haha.

So I have a feeling this will be a sort of mood diary/food diary/diary diary where I just babble about what I'm thinking, feeling, doing etc and hope that it helps me to make some sense of why I do the things I do. I think it's gonna be pretty exciting!

As of last week I've started personal training sessions, which are great. My trainer is brilliant, and I already know he's going to help. A lot. So training is on Friday mornings, and I look forward to it all week (even though it huuuuurts!). I'd like to keep the sessions up indefinitely. I can already feel myself getting fitter and stronger.

I'll probably have to shush myself soon before this reaches epic proportions, but I should probably quickly mention my goals. Starting one week and 3 days ago I set myself a challenge to lose 6kgs in 8 weeks. I THINK (judging by some dodgey scales) that I lost 1kg in the first week. I also feel pretty slim at the moment, and I'm fairly sure I'm in the 64's somewhere. Can't wait to get my hands on some scales and see! More or less, I think I'm on track.

Things on my wish list right now are new runners (I'd love to be able to run City2Surf next August, which is 14km. I can only run 3-4kms at the moment, and that's on a good day!). So runners. And a HRM, because I'm sick of guessing how much I'm burning off. And because I think it will help motivate me to work harder. And then I would like some GOOD bathroom scales. Ours can be quite psychotic, to be honest. I think I need something more reliable. And a little newer, haha. So that's it; runners, HRM and scales. In saying that, I always need new workout gear.

Okay, I said I was stopping, but I lied.

My goals for right this second are:

1) complete my self-imposed 6kg in 8 weeks challenge.
2) continue to surround myself with positive inspiring people.
3) think NICE thoughts about myself. And if I can't think of any, just stop thinking all together! (Haha).

Shouldn't be too hard, right? We'll see. I think I'm going to need someone to keep me honest! I spend a lot of time on http://www.calorieking.com.au/ and I love it. I'm part of a challenge to be in a bikini by summer, so I hope I'll get there! I have never worn a bikini in public. In my life. Ever. Nothing. I swim in shirts and shorts. So that would be a HUGE milestone for me, along with wearing a singlet to workout at the gym. They're two things I want to achieve by the end of September, so wish me luck!

Okay, this is horrendously huge, and I think I've forgotten a million things, but never mind. I have all the time in the world to update!

If there's anyone out there in the blogosphere, HI! And thanks for reading this far.

Have a great Hump Day everyone.

x